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Texting is Vanessa's forte (she later wrote a book titled, For example, "Over a three-day weekend, I didn’t respond to 12 of his texts," Vanessa explains. "He'd be like, 'It would be really great to hear from you, just a simple hi.'" Still, she let him dangle, even when she sensed him getting upset: "He might get a little angry, but he didn't want to seem like a nutcase." In Vanessa's case, the method worked. "One of my clients had a guy threaten to break up with her when she wouldn't respond to his texts.

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"That said, I think the advice works sometimes," she adds.

"Men are also fed very antiquated notions of what dating should look like, so it becomes a signaling system where women being forward is somehow a sign that they are desperate, because they're breaking the mold of what it means to date as straight people."It's the enduring strength of that age-old system that's kept so many people playing by The Rules for so long. For Schneider and Fein, who've devoted their careers to this program, the answer is an unequivocal "nope! "Both Ellen and Sherrie claim to be feminists, and they shrug off any claims to the contrary.

"On campus, you hear about date rape all too often — stories of girls who drank too much and suffered the consequences." may have evolved since 1995, but the Rules Girl looks the same: She is aloof and demure.

She wears only high heels and push-up bras with "big (three-inch) hoop earrings" and a "chunky gold watch." She waxes, uses contacts ("try blue and green shades! She doesn't return calls, doesn't blab about her career success ("try to let shine!

" To them, is not about manipulation; it's about preventing women from making avoidable dating mistakes and getting hurt because of them. In their opinion, "feminism is about equal pay for equal work, owning a condo, or running a marathon," says Sherrie.

"One of our clients — before she started working with us — broke all the Rules, and a guy dumped her," says Sherrie. "But, it’s not about asking men out, paying for dates, or being a man.

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" relies on a very traditional sense of what love and courtship are," says writer, speaker, and technologist Samhita Mukhopadhyay.

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