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“I had had an incredible disability in the gay world of never having picked up a man in a bar,” Mayes confides over drinks at a speakeasy in Manhattan’s East Village.“What the Internet did was give me a new awareness of myself.On the largest dating sites, chemistry (both sexual and interpersonal) would be replaced by algebra.

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[As part of ] this private women’s conference—it was more gossipy and talking about our private lives and things you didn’t necessarily want everyone else to see in public—someone started a topic called ‘That Son-of-a-Bitch.’ ” She laughs. “This woman told a story about how she’d met this wonderful man on The WELL and it just all seemed so incredibly touching and poignant and like a match made in heaven. So we were ‘listening’ to her describe how sexy it was.

By the end of the story, as you can imagine, he turned out to be a con artist.

Like those donning drag, they assumed new names and created parallel identities. For instance, the Lambda MOO virtual world gives users a choice of male, female, neutral, neither, royal (the royal ‘we’), and the natty, insouciant ‘splat’ (*) option.” Women and men would assume cross identities: a member of one sex, disguised as another, would engage in cybersex with Net partners of either gender, or both, depending on the mood and circumstance.

This elasticity unleashed a new freedom to experiment, fantasize, and role-play.

But for a species that now got its babies from test tubes, why shouldn’t a geek try to get his ya-yas out by way of Alpha Centauri? An Internet list of ‘Frequently Asked Questions’ describes the latter activity . There were Internet forums where people could post erotic stories (or add to others’ stories)—many of which would evolve into multipart series—that would attract tremendous followings.

There were hatchling websites that stole printed porn pictures and posted them as their own; sites that featured virtual strip blackjack; sites where online models popped up in tiny matchbook-size peep-holes, responding to keyboard commands (“How about removing those fish-nets? The Internet began to micropander to every type of sexual connoisseur.

As the digital age bloomed, sexual variety reigned.

In the late ’80s and early ’90s, cybersex had a limited connotation: virtual-reality kink.

Previously, the gay bar scene revolved around a body fascism: a prescriptive sense of muscles, tight abs, shoulders that you had to have. So in a bar, my eyes had always been filled with fear—the fear of rejection.

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